Homestuck Truth or Dare
by Homestuck'nAnime
Summary: Most of the characters are invited to play a game of truth or dare! Audience suggestions are wanted and appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

**( Hey everyone! I literally just got this account like 2 minutes ago because I was so eager to put an idea to action. By the time anyone reads this it will be at least 12 hours later though. Anyways nobody ever wants to read the author notes but please at least read the next two sentences! I'm only going to set up the story in this chapter. I'm going to need suggestions from my lovely readers for the actual truths and dares! Please please** ** _please_** **suggest something? Maybe? Also just a warning, these people have dirty mouths, but I mean... if you read homestuck then I probably don't even need to say it!)**

Author: hi readers! I have just summoned all the main trolls, Karkat's group, and both the alpha and beta kids using my ridiculously sick magic skillz. Nah just kidding I'm not even god tier and magic doesn't exist. Anyways. We're all going to play a game called truth-

Dave: yo shut up, you're hogging the spotlight. Everyone knows what we're doing. They read the fucking title.

Author: Dave, language! That's not pol-

Vriska: actually I agree with the idi8t, you're talking w8y too much. _we're_ the stars of the show here.

Author: okay but I-

 _the sound of trolls and humans chattering and arguing drowns her out_

Gamzee: mOtHeRfUcKiN fAyGo MaN...

Tavros: uHH,,, gAMZEE, tHATS SOPOR SlIME, nOT, uHH, fAYGO,

Gamzee: iS iT bRo? I hAdN't EvEn NoTiCeD.

Eridan: wweh, wwhy wwont anyone notice me?

Nepeta: :33 purrhaps beclaws this is the first time you've said anything?

Equius: D- I... Need a towel.

Terezi: H3H3 DO 1 SM3LL C4NDY R3D?

Karkat: SHUT THE FUCK UP TEREZI.

Sollux: everyone here ii2 a fuckiing iidiiot.

Aradia: I still d0nt understand this game 0f truth 0r dare.

Kanaya: The Earth Human Game Confuses Me Too.

Rose: it'll be fine, Kanaya, they'll explain.

Roxy: s'plain wahat now?

*explain

*what

Jane: Roxy, you're drunk again aren't you...

Roxy: maaaaaaaaaaybe.

Author: OKAY THE AUDIENCE HAS HAD ENOUGH OF THIS EVERYONE BE QUIET!

 _everyone hushes_

Author: thank you. Now. If we're all quite done. I'll be quick because 'some people's just have no patience.

Karkat: hmph.

Author: Basically anyone who leaves a request for a truth or dare for any characters to carry out then I'll do that or some variation of it to the best of my- I mean our! - to the best of OUR abilities. All you have to do is type it in the review thingy! Thank you! Now I'm gonna go try to make sure nobody dies...

Jake: gadzooks, I'm rather glad I stuck to my corner, that bunch is rowdy!

Dirk:imma join in your corner.

Jake: Woah! You scared me there Strider!

John: can I join too? I'm trying to avoid being killed...

 _someone accidentally slices a power line and the power goes off before anyone could say another word_

 **(whew okay I really hope this was alright. If anyone actually leaves a review then I'll write more and try to update regularly! If not then... I guess I'll try some on my own and if still nobody suggests anything then I'll probably delete this whole thing. )**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! Thank you so much for leaving a review! The review was:**

 **"Ok.**

 **My initial impressions of this so far is good. I like the concept and I think you should go forward with all of them doing really crazy thinks such as daring gamzee to go sober. Also you could make it a bit saucy (if you know what I mean ;) ) and even have some conflicts start out.**

 **Hoping you continue this: Jonny"**

 **:3 you have no idea how happy I am. This is my first review, that means I can continue! Thank you Jonny!**

 **I forgot to put in my first chapter... disclaimer. I only own my keyboard. Nothing else.**

 **Anyways, onward!**

Author: it looks like we have a dare for Gamzee...

Gamzee: wE dO? wHaT's My MoThErFuCkIn DaRe?

Author: um... Karkat, could I have some help with this one? Have your shoosh-pap hand on the ready...

Karkat: WHAT? WHY? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PLANNING ASSHAT?

Author: could you guys help me gather up Gamzee's sopor pies and faygo? Or maybe just put Gamzee in a room that doesn't have any... yeah that might be safer for everyone...

 _Karkat and the Author each grab one of Gamzee's arms. He only struggles a bit as they drag him off, putting him in a room with a sturdy door and an outside facing lock. They push the door close with a sharp click as the lock engages. They then both proceed back to the common room, the author skipping cheerfully and Karkat slouching along as usual._

Gamzee: hEy Yo MoThErFuCkErS lEt Me OuTtA hErE

Tavros: uHH,,, iSN't THIS DARE, mEAN?

Vriska: shut up toreadork, this is going to 8e am8zing.

Kanaya: I Have My Chains- Uh. Lipstick. At The Ready.

Rose: I highly doubt measures like that will be necessary.

 _a few hours of socializing ( yelling, arguing, lecturing, etc... the preferred method of communication amongst this group anyways) later..._

Gamzee: honk.

HONK

honk

HONK

Karkat: OH GOD. NO. WHY DID WE EVER AGREE TO THIS. WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE.

Gamzee: honk.

HONK

 _the uncomfortable and panicked silence in the air was shattered by the purple blooded troll's banging on the door. Subconsciously, almost everyone backed away. Kanaya revved her lipstick chainsaw at her side. The author rudely grabbed Karkat and shoved him towards the rattling door._

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK DON'T PUSH ME CLOSER TO THE DOOR!

Author: but only you can calm him...! Do your weird shoosh-papping thing and save us!

Karkat: *FUCK* NO.

Kanaya: I Will Handle It Then

Karkat: NO OK FINE I WILL.

Gamzee: HONK honk HONK honk HONK!

Karkat: SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHH...

Gamzee: HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK

honk honk honk honk honk

HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK!

Karkat: *pap pap pap* SHOOOOOOOSH...

Gamzee: honk honk honk

HONK HONK HONK HONK!

Karkat: SHOOOOOSH...

Gamzee: honk...

Karkat: OK I THINK HES COOL NOW... JUST... NO SUDDEN MOVEMENTS OKAY?

Author: umm... I think we can pause here for today... I personally like my limbs where they are, don't know about you guys though. ehehe...

 **I'm sorry if this was too short but I'm not near popular enough to get many requests! I'll try to update maybe once per day if I can, maybe every other day... I'll also try to stay loyal to my updates! Sorry for any typos or mistakes, my Swype keyboard loves to disobey me. Almost every time I hit backspace it tries to switch to typing in all capitals for some odd reason... it thinks I'm Karkat.**


	3. Chapter 3

***sqee* I'm so happy! I have another review!**

 **If my keyboard would just work...! It takes much longer than it should to type this stuff...**

 **Anyways this was the review:**

 **"Hello, please call me Boss if you wish to not use my username/Penname or whatever. Anyway, I have mostly truths for this, but I'll add a couple dares. Also best to add trigger warnings in case Kankri appears**  
 **TW: God Tier stuff, Doom, Death, Shipping, Ponies, Hoofbeasts**  
 **Hope I didn't miss anything.**

 **Sollux, Rose, and Terezi: I have a question pertaining to God Tier stuff. My title is a Seer of Doom and I wish for some advice on how to handle seeing outcomes, namely those of the doomed category.**

 **Eridan and Nepeta: What exactly happened between you two involving the fish hitting on the cat? How was it, and I am quoting Eridan on this, "My most humiliating rejection yet"?**

 **Equius and Dirk: Discuss My Little Pony/Hoofbeast Friendship/Moirailegiance is Magic/Friendship is not an Emotion.**

 **Sorry if it is long and that there is not much. I hope you will have fun with this."**

 **As always, be warned about the characters' dirty mouths and also a disclaimer, I only own my keyboard (crappy as it is), nothing else.**

Author: welp, let's hop to it! Someone would like to ask Terezi, Rose and Sollux how to deal with seeing doomed outcomes with their Seer of Doom god tier powers.

Terezi: HMM... 1 DONT KNOW 1F 1M TH3 B3ST P3RSON TO 4SK! 1 3ND3D UP K1ND OF US3L3SS D1DNT 1?

Author: nonsense, you *spoiler censored*

Terezi: W3LL Y34H 1 W4S PR3TTY 4W3SOM3 BUT 1 C4NT R3M3MB3R WH4T 4LT3RN4T3 M3 DO3S.

Rose: if you're worried about what it is you're going to see, then sometimes it helps to just kind of distance yourself from it. Just remember that what you see will happen regardless, there's no use worrying or panicking. I'd either suggest numbing yourself to it, or embracing it.

Sollux: yeah ii kiind of agree wiith her. Not really much el2e a u2ele22 per2on liike you could do.

Author: Sollux! That was really rude!

Sollux: ii don't giive a 2hiit.

Author: ugh... Anyways, Boss (don't ask, that's what they asked me to call them) would now like to hear about how Nepeta rejected Eridan.

Eridan: glub, fuck, wwhy'd you havve to go and bring that up? I'm gonna die of embarrassment...

Nepeta: :33 h33h33 it was actually purrty funny! You'd think he'd have gotten a bit better at flirting, but he was as clumsy as a fish out of water. Or a cat _in_ the water. In fact it's pawsible he had gotten even worse at flirting than he used to be.

Eridan: wwhen wwill it stop...

Nepeta: :33 purrty much he just made a few paws-awful clutzy attempts to seduce me before I said to stop it, then he went and glubbed off to be depressed in his hive for a week or two.

Eridan: it wwas _not_ a wweek or two. It wwas only like three glubbin' days.

Author: oh dear cod.

Feferi: a fish)( pun! Yay!

Author: uhh... let's just move on... so. Boss wants Dirk and Equius to, I quote "Discuss My Little Pony/Hoofbeast Friendship/Moirailegiance is Magic/Friendship is not an Emotion."

Dirk: MLP is the best.

Equius: D- i have not heard of this... hoofbeast... friendship thing.

Dirk: you haven't? Bro you need to watch it. It's like. This story. About ponies. I mean hoofbeasts. And they all get together and be friends.

Equius: D- this sounds... interesting.

Dirk: bro just lemme show you.

 _after several hours of watching ponies on the tiny phone screen that Dirk produced, Equius was thoroughly perplexed and enthralled by the unfamiliar concepts within the children's show. Karkat, Vriska and a few others who obviously can't appreciate an amazing cartoon when they see it left the room early. They had been interrupting with increasingly rude comments and other people who were actually enjoying the show kicked them out. Somehow Gamzee had found some faygo again and was drinking the sugary stuff by the bottle. As the fifth episode ended, an interesting conversation ensued._

Dirk: so. What did you think.

Equius: D- that was unequeled by anything we have.

Dirk: heck yeah it was but what did you actually think of it?

Equius: D- the sparkle one... which one was her moirail?

Dirk: you mean Twilight? Uh yeah ponies don't have moirails. Or matesprits or auspice-whatevers or kiss-me-sis things.

Equius: D- so she has all her quadrants open?

Dirk: Woah dude what're you implying there.

Equius: D- I wonder what it would be like to have a hoofbeast in a quadrant.

Dirk: that's called bestiality.

Equius: D- there's a word for having a horse in a quadrant?

Dirk: well not exactly but by human standards yeah I guess so.

Equius: D- are there words for other things in your quadrants?

Dirk: dude I don't know, the quadrant thing isn't even a thing that happens among humans.

Equius: D- this discussion has turned rather 100d. I. Need a towel.

Author: how did a perfectly innocent discussion about my little pony turn into... this? Anyways I think we're done here.

 **I probably should have written this in the first chapter but... too lazy to go fix it XD sorry. So... I've decided how I'm going to do the thing. I'll write a chapter for each request I get, in order that I get them. Even if it's only one truth or one dare it'll still get it's own chapter :3. It'll just be a short one then. So far there's few enough that this is really manageable. If it gets to the point where I can't then I'll make sure to say so. I'll also copy the entire review as I receive it to the top of the next chapter. If there's something you don't want me to put, then type it in parenthesis and I won't put it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Our review for this chapter is...**

 **"Well damn Sollux, that has got to be the shiitiest piece of advice one can give. Now for more stuff, and I'm not going to bother with tags beclaws Kankri can glub off**

 **Eridan: want to hear a joke? *cough*your quadrants*cough* What happened to the pirate when he flirted with the sea princess? He got one WHALE of a punishment courteSEA of the royal guard!**

 **John: Have you ever tried to prank people by getting the, to read books that were notoriously bad? Like sending Kanaya Twilight or Kankri Fifty Shades of Grey? If not, then I dare you to do so.**

 **Nepeta: what would you rather kiss, Erifish Ampurra, a cactus, Terezi, or Feferi? You can choose more than one if you want.**

 **Roxy, Rose, and Eridan: Read and Watch all the Harry Potter stuff and then read My Immortal**

 **Kanaya: How do you prefer to cut things, Eridan style or Gamzee style?**

 **I feel like I'm targeting Eridan for meanness too much, maybe I'll try to be nicer to him next time, unless he actively destroys all hope of that. Also sorry for all the fish and cat puns, they are my favorites."**

 **As always, I own nothing but my crappy keyboard, also some characters have foul mouths.**

Author: hey Eridan, Boss has a joke for you.

Eridan: wwhat? Really? Wwell let's hear it.

 _the author pulls up the joke on her computer screen and shows it to Eridan._

Eridan: rude! My quadrants are not a glubbin joke!

Sollux: they kiind of are fii2hdiick.

Author: did you even read the rest of the joke...?

 _Eridan is too busy throwing a hissy-fit to bother answering_

Author: ... anyways, John, they were wondering if you've ever pranked anyone by making them read awful books, like giving Kanaya the book Twilight or giving Kankri Fifty Shades of Gray.

John: I did give Kankri that book! I didn't try Kanaya, but Kankri sure was hilarious. I told him it was a discussion about how whatever shade of grey a trolls skin was that it shouldn't matter or something like that. He read part of the book aloud in front of, like, 20 people! His face was priceless, a mix of confusion and horror.

Vriska: oh my gog did he really?

John: yep.

Vriska: that is priceless!

John: he couldn't show his face there for like a week!

Karkat: SERVES THE DUMBASS RIGHT.

Author: the second part of your piece today, John, is if you haven't done either of those then you've been dared to!

John: so basically I have to give Twilight to Kanaya?

Rose: I don't know how I feel about this.

John: hehehe let me go find a copy.

Kanaya: What Is This Twilight We're Talking About?

John: here! It's about.. uh, well, how about you just read it.

Kanaya: Okay, I Will Read This In The Corner While You Continue The Game.

John: (hehehe)

Author: our next question is for Nepeta! I mean, Nepurrta.

Nepeta: :33 ohh, cat puns! What's my question?

Author: pick which ones of these you'd kiss- Eridan, a cactus, Terezi, or Feferi.

Nepeta: :33 hmm that's tough! I don't think I'd kiss Ampurra, I did turn him down after all. A cactus would be unpurreasant but kissing Purrezi or Feferi would interfere with my ships! Hehe I only used purr puns just meow.

Terezi: DO 1 3V3N W4NT TO 4SK WH4T SH1PS 1M 1NVOLV3D 1N?

Feferi: Nepeta is t)(e s)(ipping MAST-ER!

Nepeta: :33 you've got that right! I have ships for efurryone.

Vriska: bluuuuuuuuh this is so 8oring, isn't there something entert8ning to do?

Author: well... Eridan, Rose, and Roxy have been dared to read and watch Harry Potter... maybe everyone should though.

Roxy: isn't that like... sum anshent movie or something?

*some

*ancient

Rose: I read the first book, but then I couldn't find the other books. For some reason they weren't in the library...

Eridan: Harry Potter? Wwhat kind of stupid name is that?

 _one audio-book and movie marathon later..._

Roxy: oh. My. God. Thaaaaaat was mazing.

*amazing

Eridan: howw wwere they usin magic? I thought it wwasnt real.

Rose: that was the best series ever. I don't know how I had never seen most of this before.

Vriska: I suppose that was at least a little 8it entert8ning.

Gamzee: ThAt ShIt Is MoThErFuCkIn OfF tHe ChArTs BrO.

Author: we have one last question, this one for Kanaya.

Kanaya: That Is Convenient Because I Have Just Finished The Book. I Did Not Know There Were Other People Who Enjoy The Taste Of Blood Or That The Humans Had A Name For Them.

Rose: 'other people' who enjoy the taste of blood? What's that supposed to mean?

Kanaya: Nothing.

Rose: ...

Kanaya: Anyway What Is The Thing You Wish To Inquire Of Me?

Author: ... uh, the question is if you prefer to cut things Eridan style or Gamzee style.

Kanaya: I Do Not Understand Why This Is A Question, Neither Of Their Styles Is Very Fashionable. I Prefer To Cut Things In My Own Style. Though I Wouldn't Mind Cutting Either Of Them.

Eridan: Kan, please don't, once is enough for anyone...

Author: no cutting anyone. Not in my story.

Vriska: come on, don't 8e a killjoy, this could 8e fun to w8tch!

Author: nope, nope, nope, not on my watch. Let's stop here for today ok? Ok.

 **Thanks for reading, I love you all! I published a couple other short stories, if you like this you might want to look at them... also, thanks to sailor phoenix black (Boss, as he/she requested I call them) for actually reviewing and making it possible for me to continue!**


	5. Chapter 5

**The chapter 5 review is... dun dun duuuuuuuun!**

 **"LightTheJeniusandTatania:**

 **I have a question for Jape*cough* Jake. Sorry my...finger...slipped...*cough* how does it feel to be one of the most under appreciated Homestuck character of them all. I mean, even Tavros is more appreciateeee...wait a** **minute**. ***cough***

 **For everyone...do you happen to know about Karkat's fantabulous singing skillz? If not...well that sucks for you!**  
 **Also Dave...wanna have an apple juice party?! We all know you want to!"**

 **I'm not sure why I still need to say this, but I only own my keyboard, and some people cuss a lot. Yep.**

Author: it looks like our next review is from someone called Light the... Jenius and... You know what, I'm just going to call you Light. Anyways Light has a question for Jape. I mean Jake! Oh look what you got me doing.

Jake: blimey, do you mean me?

Author: yes you. They're wondering how it feels to, I quote, "be one of the most underappreciated" people here because "even Tavros is more appreciateeee...wait a minute"

Tavros: hEY, uH, i DONT THINK, tHAT'S VERY NICE,,,

Jake: I'm not that underappreciated... am I?

Dirk: nah man. You're good.

Jake: aw thanks Dirk.

Author: I'm not sure if the next one is really a truth or a dare, but it definitely needs mentioning. Has everyone heard Karkat's amazing singing voice?

Karkat: SHUT THE FUCK UP I DONT NEED MORE MORONS FAWNING OVER MY SINGING, ESPECIALLY MORONS THAT I KNOW! I DONT SING AROUND YOU IDIOTS FOR A FUCKING REASON!

Dave: dude you can sing, why didn't you tell me?

Karkat: BECAUSE IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!

Kanaya: I Dont Believe I've Had The Pleasure Of Hearing Him.

Vriska: don't worry, it's not a ple8sure, it's more of a cruel method of torture for your ears.

Sollux: kk do you really 2iing? Oh gog that2 hiilariiou2.

Karkat: YES I SING AND I'M FUCKING GOOD AT IT!

Feferi: ... I'm s)(ore you are.

Eridan: more like I'm shore he's not.

 _everyone else just doesn't care enough to bother saying anything. Well Nepeta and Equius might care but Nepeta is too busy trying to get a piggyback ride and Equius is too busy trying to defend his back._

Author: our last... I think it qualifies as a truth. Yeah let's go with that. Our last truth is for Dave. You know you want an applejuice party.

Dave: yes. Hell yes. Hell _fucking_ yes. It's like fucking Christmas up in here. Who's gonna join the celebration? We could create like a whole new holiday. Dedicated entirely to applejuice.

Author: please excuse us while we go find a few hundred cartons of applejuice and throw a party.

Dave: just make sure to invite the mayor. Shit ain't complete without him around. Everybody loves the mayor.

Author: let the partying commence.

 _an amazing party happens, Roxy spikes the applejuice and everyone gets drunk and passes out. Yep. Oh yeah and the mayor came too._

 **well that ended nicely. Sorry for the lazy endings. Hope you like!**

 **And, uhh... Light? Do you need some cough medicine?**


	6. Chapter 6

**The chapter 6 review is... *dramatic music having something to do with unicorns and rainbows starts playing* a review from someone who requested that I call them Person. The review goes:**

 **"Anyway, here are some ideas:**  
 **Karkat: Why do you always write things capitalized?**  
 **Gamzee: Why did you kill everyone for?**  
 **Kanaya and Rose: What's your deal with the big words?**  
 **Vriska: Dare to stop complaining about being bored for a day or so.**

 **Thanks so much for considering this!"**

 **As always, I have to put the disclaimer and foul language warning... yeah you guys know I don't own homestuck. Sadly.**

Author: the first question today is for Karkat!

Karkat: OH GOG WHAT IS IT.

Author: Person wants to know why you type in all capitals

Karkat: WHAT KIND OF SHITTY QUESTION IS THAT, IT'S MY QUIRK DUMBASSES. EVERY TROLL HAS ONE.

Eridan: *cough cough* also he's shouty *cough*

Karkat: WHAT WAS THAT?

Eridan: nothin

Author: ...the next question is for Gamzee. Why did you kill everyone?

Gamzee: cOz I wAs MoThErFuCkIn OuT oF fAyGo BrO, aNd SoMeBoDy ToOk My PiEs.

Karkat: HE DOESN'T DO WELL WHEN SOBER...

Gamzee: HoNk HoNk.

Author: I think we've gathered that much. The next question is for Rose and Kanaya. What's your deal with big words?

Kanaya: I Do Not Comprehend The Inquiry, Are You Asking Why I Like To Use Big Words Or What My Problem Is With Them, Or Something Else Entirely?

Rose: well, if they're asking the former one, it is because larger words are, per say, 'fun' to use. If it's the latter, then I don't have a problem with big words and I don't know why you'd think I do. If it's the third one, then I can't really answer very well can I?

Kanaya: I Believe I Mostly Have To Agree With Rose's Sentiments.

Author: ooookay then, moving on. Last thing for today is a dare for Vriska.

Vriska: ooooooooh really?

Author: yep. They want you to stop complaining of boredom.

Vriska: apparently no8ody can appreci8 when something is 8oring or when it's entert8ning, 8ut fine, okay, don't you think I can't.

Author: they put a time limit on it, but to be frank you're annoying me too so I'm just going to make it for the whole game.

Vriska: w8 what? Actually you know what? I don't care. I can handle that no pro8.

Author: we'll see if that lasts. Anyways, that's it for today, bye guys!

 **I'm going to start running through the truths and dares a bit faster because requests are backing up. I might even, dare I say it... I might even commit to uploading more than one chapter in a day, perhaps on weekends...**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm not positive if this review exactly has truth or dare so i'll just make a brief chapter about it. It goes as follows:**

 **"Ok wow Karkat that was supposed to be a compliment. I mean, I could have pulled a Vriska and been like:you suck at singing so stop trying 8luh 8luh I'm a huge 8itch. 8luh someone kill me off again. *cough***  
 **And Tavros...no one gives a shit. I'm embarassed to be a Taurus now...having Kanaya as a patron troll is totally awesome though...*cough***  
 **I don't need cough medicine, author-chan, I'm allergic to cats...sorry Nepeta.**  
 **...k so I was also going to tell a dead Eridan joke...but you'd only get half of it.**  
 **wow I'm an asshole. And by asshole I mean AS AWESOME AS THE AWESOME PRUSSIA! I DARE YOU ALL TO WATCH HETALIA! WATCH IT! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...**  
 **goddamn i need to lay off the Faygo..."**

Author: I'm just going to read this aloud bit by bit. Karkat, Light wants you to know that their comment on your singing was supposed to be a compliment, and while they could have pulled a Vriska on you, they didn't.

Karkat: UHHH... W-WELL FUCK THEM.

Nepeta: :33 don't worry, Light, he just doesn't know how to take a compliment!

Vriska: what was that a8out "pulling a Vriska"?

Author: noooothing. Anyways. aww I'm sad to say this part... Tavros, Light wants you to know that nobody gives a shit and they're now embarrassed to be a Taurus.

Tavros: }:( tHATS NOT NICE,,, bUT THATS OK, iM KIND OF USED TO IT BY NOW,,

Gamzee: DoNt WoRrY tAvBrO, i ThInK yOuRe MoThErFuCkInG aWeSoMe.

Tavros: tHANKS, gAMZEE,,,

Author: Light does however appreciate having Kanaya as their patron-troll.

Kanaya: Why Thank You.

Author: then Light says that they're allergic to cats.

Nepeta: :33 oh no! How pawful! How do they survive?

Author: Light wouldn't said an Eridan joke, but we'd only get half of it.

Eridan: wwell fuck you too.

Kanaya: I Regret Nothing.

Author: ...also everyone has been dared to watch Hetalia. Yes. I love that anime.

 _one anime marathon later_

Nepeta: :33 pawstaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Equius: D- the one blonde one 100ked STRONG.

Vriska: that guy with the ridiculous eye8rows had a temper almost like Karkat's.

Eridan: ... I havve nothin to say to that except wwhat the actual fuck did I just wwatch.

Feferi: t)(at was AW-ESOM-E!

Kanaya: The One With The Colourful Clothes And The Rose Was The Only One With Decent Fashion.

Karkat: THAT WAS BEYOND STUPID.

Aradia: 0_0

Sollux: ii2 thii2 actually a legiit 2how that people watch?

Gamzee: mOtHeRfUcKiN aWeSoMe BrO

Tavros: gAMZEE, yOU, uHH, sAY THAT ABOUT EVERYTHING, DON'T YOU,,,

Terezi: H3H3H3 TH3 GUY TH4T C4NT S4Y R'S W1THOUT G4GG1NG... WHOS H3?

Author: France?

Terezi: Y34H H1S P4NTS SM3LL 4M4Z1NG. H1S FLOW3R TOO.

Author: please excuse me while I fangirl over crossover time.

 _Author is too busy fangirling to write more_

 **thank you guys so much, I hope you like! I'm too lazy to move the cursor do I'll just type the disclaimer and warning down here. I own nothing but my keyboard, and the characters cuss alot. Even though the warning really should go at the top to actually serve any purpose... oh well.**

 **Ok so someone informed me that I am breaking rules with the formatting of this story. I checked, and yeah, apparently, I am. I'm not allowed to use dialogue based or script format to write. I've already prewritten several chapters, so I'll post those as is, but after that l'll change my writing style to be within the rules. This will slow me down significantly in writing, just going to warn you. But, I think that keeping this story on at all is more important than quick updates. I'm sorry, and I'll try my best. I'm not changing anything that is already written though.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Yay, back for torturing more characters! The review request this time goes as follows.**

 **"Alright, I think I will try to be nicer to Eridan, as it seems he gets only half of what he truly deserves.**

 **Eridan: Perform your best pickup lines for everyone except the author, but don't make them too 100d unless you want the STRONGMAN to choke you with your own scarf.** (I have a challenge for during this part. Play the my little pony theme song in the background and see if you can take him seriously!)

 **See? I'm being nice by giving him a fair warning!**

 **Nepeta and Karkat: Watch Troll Disney movies and discuss ships.**

 **Aradia and Jake: Go on an adventure together like Indiana Jones! Troll Indiana Jones in Aradia's case**

 **Dave and Karkat: *whisper away from John and Terezi* Do you ship Blackrom!Johnrezi?**

 **Trying to balance things out and include more characters. Hope you are having fun with these!"**

 **So, yep! I don't own homestuck, only my keyboard. Foul language warning.**

Author: oh dear gog, do I really want to say this one...ok, so, Eridan? Uhh... Boss wants you to try out pickup lines on everyone except me.

Eridan: really? Awwesome. Ooh I havve so many. This wwill be fun.

Author: and no killing Eridan, no matter how bad his lines are, okay?

 _there is a grudging mutter of agreement and Kanaya puts away her chainsaw - ahem - lipstick._

Eridan: Sol. Hey Sol. I had an epiphany.

Sollux: what ii2 iit iidiiot?

Eridan: you're my SOLmate.

Sollux: ... that ii2 2o bad, iim feeliing 2ome ebara22ment _for_ you.

Eridan: Kar. I can tell howw you feel about me from the colour of your blood.

Karkat: ERIDAN SHUT THE FUCK UP, FOR ONE. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE COLOUR IS, I MADE SURE NOT TO TELL YOU SPECIFICALLY! SECONDLY, IT'S NOT FUNNY BECAUSE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I DON'T FEEL LIKE THAT, FUCKASS.

Eridan: cool it, Kar, it's just my dare... Fef. Guess what.

Feferi: w)(at?

Eridan: if you wwere the sea, I'd be a bottom dwweller.

Feferi: . . . . .

Eridan: Vvris. How wwould you feel about me puttin some irons in _your_ fire?

Vriska: that isn't even a toreadork level pickup line. That's like, in the neg8tives on a sc8le of 1-8.

Eridan: come on guys I'm doin my best. Hey Nep, I wwas wwonderin. Are you sure you're not the _Thief_ of Heart instead of the Rogue of Heart? Because youvve sure stolen mine.

Nepeta: :33 that's... pawful...

Author: I can't take any more of this, Eridan, stop it! I'm sorry, Boss. We're moving on. The next thing is a dare for Nepeta and Karkat to watch troll Disney movie and then talk about ships.

Karkat: OK. ONE. JUST BECAUSE YOU HUMANS HAVE SOMETHING DOESN'T MEAN THERE IS TROLL VERSION OF IT! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TROLL DISNEY MOVIES! TWO, WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO WATCH SOMETHING LIKE THAT ANYWAYS?

Nepeta: :33 I'm sorry to say he's right about the first thing... we don't have troll Disney movies... I'd love to s33 them if they existed, though, unlike Karkitty.

Author: well that sucks...

Nepeta: :33 maybe I should purrfect the art of movie making so I can fix that!

Karkat: YOU WANT TO BE AN ACTOR? I MEAN ACTRESS.

Nepeta: :33 why not?

Karkat: WELL WHATEVER YOU WANT.

Author: anyways, the next dare is for Jake and Aradia to go on an adventure.

Jake: ...okay...

Author: what's wrong? I thought you'd be enthusiastic.

Jake: ...I don't like lots of people...

Aradia: c0me 0n, let's g0 then.

 _Aradia grabs Jake's wrist and drags him along out the door._

Author: well... I have no clue when they'll be back. Anyways, the last thing is... oh this one is for just two people to answer.

 _the author goes over to Dave and Karkat and takes one of their wrists in each hand. Karkat struggles but Dave just looks a bit confused and comes along without trouble as the author drags them to a separate room._

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?

Author: Boss wanted to know if either of you spades-ship John and Terezi.

Dave: oh no not the hate dating thing. That shit is too weird.

Karkat: WELL JOHN BASICALLY DID ADMIT BLACK FEELINGS TOWARDS HER. AND I THINK HE'D BE A BETTER KISMESIS FOR HER THAN THE CLOWN. BUT I'M NOT SURE IF THEIR HATE WOULD STAY STRONG ENOUGH.

Dave: I can't deal with the blackrom thing. It's too fucking weird.

Karkat: YOU BASICALLY JUST RE WORDED WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE.

Dave: I know that, it's because there's nothing else to say.

Karkat: PROBABLY BECAUSE YOUR STUPID HUMAN THINK PAN IS TOO CLOSE MINDED TO UNDERSTAND STUFF LIKE THIS. THEY'D ACTUALLY BE A PRETTY GOOD MATCH IF THEIR HATE WAS STRONG ENOUGH.

Dave: I'm just gonna say I agree so I won't have to listen to his speech on troll romance.

Author: ... ok then we can rejoin the others.

 _everyone goes back to the common room. A few people inquire what that was about, but neither Dave or Karkat say. The author doesn't bother trying to quiet the chatter because that's all the questions for today._

 **this is the last chapter I have written in this style! I'll be switching to fit the rules next chapter.**


	9. Chapter 9

**We have a really short chapter this time. This is there first chapter in the new style, hope it goes well! The review is,**

 **"Dave stoke Karkat's face"**

 **I only own my keyboard, and, Karkat has a filthy mouth.**

The author scrolled down on her phone screen to locate the dare for today, then rapped sharply on the desk to get everyone's attention.

"Listen up!" She called, "the dare for today is for Dave! And yes, dare singular. There's only four words in the review actually."

Dave perked up at his name, saying, "yo. So what's my dare?"

The author looked to her screen and read the dare off of it, "Dave, stroke Karkat's face."

Karkat's attention snapped to them as he heard the dare. He slammed his hands on the table, standing and yelling his objection in an obnoxiously loud shout.

"What? Fuck no! Nobody is going to be stroking my face!"

Dave replied, "is that anon trying to kill me? Karkat will chop my arm off if I do that."

"Fucking right I will!" Karkat exclaimed.

The author sighed in exasperation. "Dave, just do it, or... or... I'll take your apple juice."

Dave's eyes widened in horror behind his polarized sunglasses. "Ok ok I'll do it! Not the apple juice..." he said as he stood and walked over to Karkat. He held up his hand and reached out towards the candy blooded troll. A cat fight ensued as Karkat attempted to block, but Dave's years of sword fighting made him better at hand sparring. He was able to grab both of Karkat's wrists in one hand and hold the relatively small troll still as he pressed his hand against his cheek. The grumpy Cancer gave a glare that consisted of pure, "I will fucking kill you", but it was diluted by the fact that Dave was squishing his cheek and he looked somewhere between adorable and terrifying.

"Dave," he said, his voice dripping with venom, "get your filthy fucking hand off of my face."

Dave merely petted his cheek, still poker faced.

Karkat struggled violently, yelling, "I will hurt you! Let me go you fuckass!"

Dave released his grip and let the enraged and slightly flustered troll stumble backwards. Karkat glared darkly, then crossed his arms and turned away. "Let's never speak of that," he said.

Terezi did her odd cackle and informed him, "oh Karkles, you should know better than to think we're going to let you off the hook that easy!"

Karkat groaned. "It must be national Let's-Torture-The-Cancer month or something. Whatever, see if I care."

Nepeta was busily scribbling in a thick book chock full of drawings. The one she was working on now looked suspiciously like a shipping square...

 **There, I hope that was good. It sure took alot longer than I would have liked.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi! I'm sorry I haven't updated in like forever, our teachers decided to suffocate us under tons of paperwork and then testing began... and then I was reluctant to start this one because it's a wall of words. All in all I'm sorry for the excuses and I'll hop right to it. The review is...**

 **"All right, my name is PyrotechnicPanda, and I want to actually give these guys a choice between truth or dare. So, let's start off with my favorite characters!**  
 **Tavros:**  
 **Dare: spend 7 minutes in heaven with both Vriska and Gamzee ;o)**  
 **Truth: Which of the others do you like the most, and which of the others do you hate the most?**  
 **Eridan:**  
 **Dare: Pull off your scarf and cape and start a fire with them**  
 **Truth: If you had the choice between getting a matesprit or ending all life as we know it, which would you pick?**  
 **Jade:**  
 **Dare: Take Dave's apple juice and replace it with John's "special bottle"**  
 **Truth: If you had to get a kissmesis, who would it be?**  
 **Nepeta:**  
 **Dare: Show off all your ships (even your otps ;))**  
 **Truth: Which of these ships do you like the best: TavNep, FefKat, VrisKat, TavJade, SolKat, JaneDirk, JohNep, DaveFef, JadeFef, JadeNep, GamVris, AraVris, JaneDave, or EriRoxy?**  
 **John:**  
 **Dare: Take off your shirt and write in permanent marker, "I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL"** (on his chest right? I'm going to assume you mean on his chest.)  
 **Truth: Who would you rather have sloppy makeouts with: Dave, Karkat, Gamzee, or Tavros?**  
 **Dave:**  
 **Dare: Spend 7 minutes in heaven with the Mayor**  
 **Truth: What is the most embarrassing prank you have ever fell** (*fallen) **for?(be honest. If he chickens out, your friends will answer for you.)** (I'm going to assume you wanted me to put this even though it's in parentheses.)  
 **Okay, that's most of them! Do whatever you want with them."**

 **Disclaimer: I only own my keyboard! Also there's cursing and insults and stuff!**

The author slammed her phone down on the table after reading the long sequence of truth and dare choices. She called loudly, "alrighty guys, let's get this thing going and try not to take too long!" Slowly, everyone began to trickle into the room, some grumbling and others energetic.

As soon as everyone was seated, the author spoke up again. "The first one is for Tavros today!"

"Uh... really?" The crippled troll replied in surprise.

"Yup," the author stated, "and this time you actually get to pick truth or dare. So which will it be?"

Tavros barely had to think before responding, "truth, please."

The other trolls and humans (or most of them anyways) listened intently as the author read the truth off.

"Which of the others do you like the most, and which of the others do you hate the most?" She questioned.

"Oh, uh... I think... I think I like Gamzee the best... he's always nice to me... but... I don't much like Vriska.." his voice trailed off with the last few words but he was still loud enough to be heard by the group.

"Aww thanks Tavbro," Gamzee replied with his signature lazy smile. Vriska merely waved her hand in a vague expression that could probably be roughly translated to 'who cares what the cripple thinks of me'.

Tavros smiled with a pale chocolatey blush across his cheeks, wisely choosing to ignore Vriska.

Someone in the room awwed but Tavros just tried to ignore them too. He was saved the trouble of responding by the author.

"The next one is for Eridan! Truth or dare?"

The seadweller looked up from his book. "Wwhat?" he asked, oblivious.

"I said, truth or dare?" The author repeated.

"Oh, truth," Eridan replied, obviously too lazy to actually get up and do something.

"If you had the choice between getting a matesprit or ending all life as we know it, which would you pick?" the author read from the bright screen of her phone.

Eridan contorted his face into a pained expression. "Wwhat kinda glubbin' question is that? Wwhoevver came up wwith that is tryin' to torture me. Um... I think... I'd go for havvin a matesprit..." he grumbled and crossed his arms, glaring at the others as if daring them to challenge his words. Nobody did. Probably because that's the answer they were expecting.

Feferi was the first to break the silence with a cheerful glub. "So who's next?" She asked as she attempted to take the phone from the author. The author let her without a fight at all. Excited, the female seadweller scrolled down on the screen.

"Jade! It's your turn to pick a truth or a dare!"

Jade flicked her emerald gaze to the bubbly Pisces. "Hmm?" she hummed. "Oh, uh, I think I'll keep this string of truths we have going!"

"Okay," Feferi said, "it says, if you had to get a kismesis, who would it be? Wow that's a hard one."

Jade looked thoughtful as she murmured, "yeah that is pretty hard... I don't really hate anyone and I'm not sure I get the concept of having a kismesis... I think it's one of those things that just happens, right? I don't think I could pick if I wanted to!"

Karkat opened his mouth to give a lecture, but Sollux, who was sitting beside him, quickly clapped a hand over the Cancer's mouth. Grateful for the interference, Feferi quickly continued before an argument could break out full force.

"Anyways, Nepeta is next!" She directed her eyes to the adorabloodthirsty pouncebeast that was Nepeta. "Are you going to be the one to break our chain of truths?"

"Nope!" Nepeta said. "Truths are more interesting!"

Feferi sighed but smiled and read off the truth, "Which of these ships do you like the best: TavNep, FefKat, VrisKat, TavJade, SolKat, JaneDirk, JohNep, DaveFef, JadeFef, JadeNep, GamVris, AraVris, JaneDave, or EriRoxy?"

Nepeta's whole face lit up at the question about shipping and she drew in a huge breath.

"Well I think Tavros certainly is a purrty nice troll and he deserves to have his quadrants filled just like efuryone else in the room but I'm not so sure I'd want to fill a quadrant with him, well actually maybe I could auspistice fur him or he fur me but not in the human sense of relationships, then fur the next one I think Karkitty could definitely use someone who's more cheerful and nice like Fefurry, excuse me, Feferi, but it would of course only work if Karkitty could manage his anger for long enough not to scare her away, and then after that I think Vriska and Karkitty could definitely get on into a nice deep kismestitude, their general hate fur the world would offset each other, but then Pawlux, ahem, Sollux would also make a great kismesis for Karkitty, but I suppose their feelings might be a bit red, maybe they would end up fluctuating, oh wait oops I skipped one, I-"

She was cut short from her incredibly long winded spiel by Karkat's hand over her mouth.

"Oh my fucking gog Nepeta, where do you even fit the air to say all that in one breath?! Also stop calling me Karkitty!" He yelled, limiting himself to one curse word simply because it was Nepeta he was talking to. He dropped his hand back to his side when he was sure she was done. She gave him a pouty look but couldn't stay mad for long.

Once everyone's ears stopped ringing, Feferi scrolled down on her phone for the next person. She wasn't willing to tell Nepeta that the truth was asking for which ships she liked, not her thoughts on each. She located the next one and called with an excited hand motion.

"John! It's your turn!"

John, who had taken off his glasses temporarily to wipe a smudge off, quickly placed them back on and answered, "dare! There's been way too many truths this game."

"Glub!" Feferi began, "your dare is to take off your shirt and write 'I am not a homosexual' in permanent marker on your chest!"

"What?" John replied in dismay, "there is no way I'm doing that!"

"Too bad, you have to!" Feferi cheered. A chorus of voices from the group supported her. Grudgingly, John grabbed the edge of his shirt and pulled it over his head. His glasses were knocked slightly askew, but he payed no mind, too busy fumbling with the cap of a black sharpie marker that was conveniently on the table.

"Egbert, what in the bulge licking fuck is wrong with your chest?" Karkat asked incredulously as he scanned the shirtless boy in front of him.

"Huh? Is there something wrong with me?!" John panicked and patted himself down.

"There's two dots on your chest. And a hole in your stomach. Are you infected or something?" Karkat backed away a little bit as he spoke.

John let out a slight sigh of relief as he realized why Karkat was panicking.

"Oh my nipples and my bellybutton? That's normal, all humans have them. Wait you trolls don't have nipples? I can understand not having a bellybutton since you guys are like butterflies with the cocoons and stuff, but..."

John let his voice trail off uncertainty. Karkat reddened slightly and crossed his arms with a huff. John, not wanting to stay shirtless for longer than he had to, uncapped the marker and tried to write the message across his chest.

"This is hard to do upside down..."

Dave reached over and pulled the marker from his hands, saying, "here, let me do it." He didn't wait for an answer, he just pushed John against the back of the couch and scrawled across his chest the words from the dare. He recapped the sharpie after and moved back with an unreadable expression. The shades didn't help. John blinked, then shrugged and reached for his shirt again.

As he was putting it back on, Feferi gleefully informed everyone that, "there's one more left and it's for Dave! Dave do you want a truth or do you want to risk a dare?"

Dave answered without missing a stride, **(cough cough I had to)** "throw me the best dare you got."

"Alright, you cod it! Your dare is to ... uh... spend seven minutes in heaven with the Mayor... what does that even mean?" The trolls shrugged.

Dave's whole face lit up as he hears his dare, and he exclaimed, "that's the best dare ever."

As the humans began to explain the game of seven minutes in heaven to the trolls, Dave found the Mayor and a closet. Someone set a timer for seven minutes and Dave locked the Mayor and himself in. The door was thick, so nobody could listen in though. Seven minutes later, the timer went off and Dave exited, followed by the Mayor.

"So how'd it go?" Rose inquired.

"We had a really meaningful and deep feelings jam. I promised him I wouldn't say more than that though."

Dave spoke in a deadly serious tone. The others, by now, had learned not to mess with him about the Mayor so that was all that was said on the subject. The author, who was beginning to think this had gone on for long enough, quickly dismissed everyone for the day.

 **I am so sorry this took so long. Also for the abrupt ending. I'm definitely going to have to switch to updating maybe once a week if I'm lucky, once a month if I'm not. Please forgive me senpaiiiiiiis!**


End file.
